( he has no qualms falling into bed with dice, with getting drunk and loudly proclaiming to the heavens he’s absolutely in love. but this? anything that isn’t endorphin inducing? that’s hard. )
Perhaps. I didn’t eat much today.
( he feels like a petty school boy all over again. dice did absolutely nothing wrong. dice wearing this outfit is undeniably attractive. but it just reminds gentaro all over again of what he doesn’t know, what he doesn’t get to see. what his own insecurities rudely make up. )
( gentaro feels every single muscle tense. so they’re avoiding it. they’re not talking about it. isn’t that what he wants? isn’t that easier?
except it’ll just keep festering. it’ll fester like if has been since dice mentioned all of this in the first place. gentaro has turned into a cliche from a story and he hates it.
he sits up, staring blankly at the wall ahead of him. )
... I’m jealous. ( he says it and immediately regrets it, the word bitter. )
[Dice's smile falters as he watches Gentaro sit up. Then he says that, and Dice regrets every decision he's ever made regarding the host club.]
Well ...I mean, it's not like I'm gonna flirt with anybody else, so you don't need to be jealous of some chick...
[He's biting back a more extreme sentiment, a nuclear option that he thinks is too hasty and stupid and might sound like a weirdly manipulative piece of bullshit, like something his mother would say. Choosing words carefully is hard.]
( he trusts dice. he trusts him with his life, with everything, and, yet he’s struggling so hard with this. the words should soothe him but they don’t. dice isn’t getting the point. gentaro isn’t sure why he would have. )
I know. And I trust you.
( this isn’t about that unbreakable bond they had even as teammates. )
But you’re — a very attractive man, Dice. They certainly will flirt with you.
[Gradually, with each moment, Dice's brow furrows, and the flowers he's holding roll down onto the bed between them.]
Nobody's gonna flirt with me, Gentaro. Seriously!
[He sounds terrified underneath it, like something bad is happening that he can't control. There's that tiny hint of nervous energy in that last proclamation that's a dead giveaway at this point. He's never been the kind of guy who needs control. He lives for the moment, lives for the thrill.
This... is not thrilling. It's sad.]
I ain't touched a single other person since I got with you. I don't wanna, either. I'm not gonna so much as hold some lady's hand. You... if you trust me, why are you upset?
( he feels defensive. he feels utterly on edge all of a sudden. why is dice questioning his trust? why is he the one getting upset?
he feels his hands tense into tight balls against the bed. his breathing is a little heavier, shakier. )
I’ve never had anything before you. ( not just romantically. ) Does the idea of me growing anxious because countless people get to see just a glimpse of what I do seem so outlandish or inconceivable?
Dice folds his hands on his lap and shrinks back a little.]
No... That's not...
[He looks down at his hands and stares through them, his mind working and working because he just thinks a little differently. If Gentaro had some job that put him in front of people, he's pretty sure he'd never be jealous. He knows Gentaro loves him, and he'd laugh in the face of anybody who tried to fuck with that. He wouldn't feel bad for a damn second. That's just how strong their bond is, in his eyes.
There's a question, unspoken. He won't put it to words.
This hurts. He forgets love can hurt.]
I'll, uh... Okay. I'll do something about it. Sorry, Gentaro. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never want that.
( gentaro exhales, the fear that it’d escalate dissipating. dice isn’t leaving. dice isn’t pissed. dice doesn’t think him weak or less of a person. gentaro just keeps breathing, tries to bring his heart rate back to normal. )
Dice. No. ( he lifts a hand finally and gently glides his palm against his cheek. )
You’re not going to do anything about it. Not like that. ( he won’t make dice change, won’t make him quit his first job ever because gentaro can’t get out of his own way. )
[Dice wants to yell. He wants to overreact. It's taking everything in him not to. For once in his idiotic, pointless life, he's trying to understand that his way isn't the only way. He's always been about people doing their own thing, living free, taking risks, but... Gentaro is the one thing he absolutely does not want to risk even for a moment.
He's never in his life regretted a bet, but he's regretting the one that got him into the commercial with all the heaviness in his gut.
But then he feels that familiar, dearly loved hand on his cheek, and he looks up, eyes still confused, glassy.]
Wh--
[Protesting the lack of action seems like the right way to do things, but that last line stops Dice in his tracks. Something else wells up in him alongside the fear, excitement. Gentaro still wants to be with him, even though he screwed up?
A grin breaks out, and he can't choke out words right away around the lump in his throat. Raising a hand, he places it over Gentaro's.]
I'd... I'd marry you tomorrow in front of everybody ever if you wanted it! Shit, Gentaro... You gotta know I'm not... I'm not gonna hurt you. Or let anybody come between us. And nobody, nobody gets me like you do. [Even if that's not always true, it feels good to think it.] Nobody's gonna see what you see in me, or get the me that you get. This whole fuckin' hot mess is all yours, now and forever.
( dice’s words chase away that fear. any darkness that had been festering simply goes away and he feels lighter, less burdened, as if he won’t lose it all if he didn’t put things as eloquently as possible.
dice still wants him. not just for fun or for awhile, but forever.
gentaro smiles at the words, hand coming up to gently mess with the front of dice’s hair to loosen some of the strands. )
I’m a terribly broken person, Dice, but I want to be better for you. If that’s all right with you.
You tell me the day, I'll pick the time, and we'll find somebody to kick it off.
[His grin is more sincere now, warming up again. He thought he was going to drive a wedge between them on accident. Now they're getting married for real real.]
Ah, yeah. Means I fucked up. I really shoulda thought more about how you felt. I mean it. I'm sorry, Gentaro.
[Oh. Oh that. Dice chuckles lightly, almost embarrassed. He's about to apologize for ruining it when Gentaro's lips start straying.]
I'm definitely down for makeup sex. I mean, been a while since we did anything crazy, right? So... how 'bout it? You wanna show me I'm yours?
[He feels like that is an absolutely valid idea, thanks. There might be a collar they haven't used yet and Gentaro might have the most incredible imagination Dice has ever known.]
( there’s a rush of excitement. casually, gentaro’s hand moves down to the center of dice’s chest as his other lifts to curl two fingers under his chin so their gazes can meet. )
You’ve had a long day. Are you sure you’re up for that, my handsome fiancé?
( his eyes are bright, warm. longing. ) Are you going to be a good boy and do as I say?
gentaro chuckles airily and gives a surprisingly hard shove to the center of dice’s chest to urge him back down. he’s mindful of the flowers — he actually likes them, thanks, and is a lovesick romantic — even as he throws a leg over his fiancé’s lap. )
[Dice lets himself be puahed back gladly, looking up at Gentaro with affection and growing anticipation. The flowers roll to the side and the cats hop off the bed, and Dice is kind of impressed at how fast he's getting aroused by the man on top of him. Gentaro is everything.
Reaching to the bedside table, he fumbles with the middle drawer before finally pulling it open. And it's in there, in a black box with the purple bow still attached.]
( dice is beautiful. absolutely beautiful. gentaro can’t help himself, mouth watering. a deep breath, another. he can do this.
carefully, he lifts the top of the box off and then goes about removing the collar. it’s good quality and gentaro tosses dice an amused half-smirk. fuck he loves this man. )
I’d leave a more homemade collar on you, but I don’t want to get you in trouble at work. ( his hands move to undo the buckle and then guide the smooth leather around dice’s neck, a finger crooking beneath it to ensure it isn’t too tight — and to possessively assert ownership. of course. )
[While Gentaro is reaching for the collar, Dice is unfastening a few more buttons on his shirt, pulling it looser around his neck, so that when Gentaro lifts the leather from the box, he can simply tip his head up enough to allow him room to fasten it.
It's funny. It does something to him. It's not like he didn't expect it to get him going, it's just as exciting as anticipated, but the way his heart pounds when Gentaro tugs, when he has to push himself up on his elbows to stay closer...
( gentaro’s lips twitch in amusement. one of his hands is nicely pressed to the bed, the other still playing with the leather of dice’s collar. he’s not nervous; this is dice. no matter what they do, it’s his fiancé.
with another airy laugh right near dice’s ear, he presses a warm kiss to the shell of it. ) I’m going to absolutely ruin you. ( his lips move down to begin a light trail of pretty purple marks along his neck, just above the collar. )
[Grinning. Dice is an absolute lost cause when it comes to Gentaro. He'll never be sorry he took the leap to be with him, to love him, to marry him. He's just gonna soak him up and enjoy every fuckin' second because this is the life he never thought he'd want or have...
Somehow, there's something about Gentaro that makes life better. He's an adventure, thrilling and gorgeous and smart and sharp-tongued and the best damn cat dad Dice has ever seen... And he's hot as hell.
Dice's chest rises and falls rapidly, and his heart pounds in his ears. Gentaro is all over him, and he doesn't want it any other way. He tips his head to let Gentaro work, breathless.]
I love you. I may be fuckin' stupid about everything else, but I did one thing right.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Perhaps. I didn’t eat much today.
( he feels like a petty school boy all over again. dice did absolutely nothing wrong. dice wearing this outfit is undeniably attractive. but it just reminds gentaro all over again of what he doesn’t know, what he doesn’t get to see. what his own insecurities rudely make up. )
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Dice smiles, eyes squinting closed.]
I got you flowers! The purple ones reminded me of you... Thought they'd brighten up your desk...
[He trails off.]
Want me to make you somethin' to eat? Just needta change clothes and I can whip something up, maybe?
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except it’ll just keep festering. it’ll fester like if has been since dice mentioned all of this in the first place. gentaro has turned into a cliche from a story and he hates it.
he sits up, staring blankly at the wall ahead of him. )
... I’m jealous. ( he says it and immediately regrets it, the word bitter. )
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Well ...I mean, it's not like I'm gonna flirt with anybody else, so you don't need to be jealous of some chick...
[He's biting back a more extreme sentiment, a nuclear option that he thinks is too hasty and stupid and might sound like a weirdly manipulative piece of bullshit, like something his mother would say. Choosing words carefully is hard.]
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I know. And I trust you.
( this isn’t about that unbreakable bond they had even as teammates. )
But you’re — a very attractive man, Dice. They certainly will flirt with you.
( he isn’t sure how to say any of this. )
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Nobody's gonna flirt with me, Gentaro. Seriously!
[He sounds terrified underneath it, like something bad is happening that he can't control. There's that tiny hint of nervous energy in that last proclamation that's a dead giveaway at this point. He's never been the kind of guy who needs control. He lives for the moment, lives for the thrill.
This... is not thrilling. It's sad.]
I ain't touched a single other person since I got with you. I don't wanna, either. I'm not gonna so much as hold some lady's hand. You... if you trust me, why are you upset?
[He's not accusing, he just doesn't understand.]
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he feels his hands tense into tight balls against the bed. his breathing is a little heavier, shakier. )
I’ve never had anything before you. ( not just romantically. ) Does the idea of me growing anxious because countless people get to see just a glimpse of what I do seem so outlandish or inconceivable?
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Dice folds his hands on his lap and shrinks back a little.]
No... That's not...
[He looks down at his hands and stares through them, his mind working and working because he just thinks a little differently. If Gentaro had some job that put him in front of people, he's pretty sure he'd never be jealous. He knows Gentaro loves him, and he'd laugh in the face of anybody who tried to fuck with that. He wouldn't feel bad for a damn second. That's just how strong their bond is, in his eyes.
There's a question, unspoken. He won't put it to words.
This hurts. He forgets love can hurt.]
I'll, uh... Okay. I'll do something about it. Sorry, Gentaro. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never want that.
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Dice. No. ( he lifts a hand finally and gently glides his palm against his cheek. )
You’re not going to do anything about it. Not like that. ( he won’t make dice change, won’t make him quit his first job ever because gentaro can’t get out of his own way. )
Instead, you’re going to marry me. This month.
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He's never in his life regretted a bet, but he's regretting the one that got him into the commercial with all the heaviness in his gut.
But then he feels that familiar, dearly loved hand on his cheek, and he looks up, eyes still confused, glassy.]
Wh--
[Protesting the lack of action seems like the right way to do things, but that last line stops Dice in his tracks. Something else wells up in him alongside the fear, excitement. Gentaro still wants to be with him, even though he screwed up?
A grin breaks out, and he can't choke out words right away around the lump in his throat. Raising a hand, he places it over Gentaro's.]
I'd... I'd marry you tomorrow in front of everybody ever if you wanted it! Shit, Gentaro... You gotta know I'm not... I'm not gonna hurt you. Or let anybody come between us. And nobody, nobody gets me like you do. [Even if that's not always true, it feels good to think it.] Nobody's gonna see what you see in me, or get the me that you get. This whole fuckin' hot mess is all yours, now and forever.
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dice still wants him. not just for fun or for awhile, but forever.
gentaro smiles at the words, hand coming up to gently mess with the front of dice’s hair to loosen some of the strands. )
I’m a terribly broken person, Dice, but I want to be better for you. If that’s all right with you.
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[He puts his hand on Gentaro's cheek now, still completely tense but trying to let it go. That was scary. It was too much.]
You do what you wanna do, but right now, just the way you are, you're already everything I want.
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Marry me already so you can’t take it back.
( he’s teasing, of course. his eyes drop back down to the bouquet and he smiles. )
You got apology flowers, hm? I suppose that means one thing...
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[His grin is more sincere now, warming up again. He thought he was going to drive a wedge between them on accident. Now they're getting married for real real.]
Ah, yeah. Means I fucked up. I really shoulda thought more about how you felt. I mean it. I'm sorry, Gentaro.
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I was thinking makeup sex, but I’ll accept the apology.
( he tilts his head again, kissing his cheek and then jaw. )
Don’t worry about it again.
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I'm definitely down for makeup sex. I mean, been a while since we did anything crazy, right? So... how 'bout it? You wanna show me I'm yours?
[He feels like that is an absolutely valid idea, thanks. There might be a collar they haven't used yet and Gentaro might have the most incredible imagination Dice has ever known.]
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You’ve had a long day. Are you sure you’re up for that, my handsome fiancé?
( his eyes are bright, warm. longing. ) Are you going to be a good boy and do as I say?
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[He secretly loves it when Gentaro puts a little force behind things. His eyes stare right into Gentaro's, a smile lingering on his lips.]
I'll do whatever you say.
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gentaro chuckles airily and gives a surprisingly hard shove to the center of dice’s chest to urge him back down. he’s mindful of the flowers — he actually likes them, thanks, and is a lovesick romantic — even as he throws a leg over his fiancé’s lap. )
Where did you end up storing the collar?
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Reaching to the bedside table, he fumbles with the middle drawer before finally pulling it open. And it's in there, in a black box with the purple bow still attached.]
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carefully, he lifts the top of the box off and then goes about removing the collar. it’s good quality and gentaro tosses dice an amused half-smirk. fuck he loves this man. )
I’d leave a more homemade collar on you, but I don’t want to get you in trouble at work. ( his hands move to undo the buckle and then guide the smooth leather around dice’s neck, a finger crooking beneath it to ensure it isn’t too tight — and to possessively assert ownership. of course. )
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It's funny. It does something to him. It's not like he didn't expect it to get him going, it's just as exciting as anticipated, but the way his heart pounds when Gentaro tugs, when he has to push himself up on his elbows to stay closer...
With his entire heart:] Fuck work.
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with another airy laugh right near dice’s ear, he presses a warm kiss to the shell of it. ) I’m going to absolutely ruin you. ( his lips move down to begin a light trail of pretty purple marks along his neck, just above the collar. )
I love you, even if you’re terribly naughty.
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[Grinning. Dice is an absolute lost cause when it comes to Gentaro. He'll never be sorry he took the leap to be with him, to love him, to marry him. He's just gonna soak him up and enjoy every fuckin' second because this is the life he never thought he'd want or have...
Somehow, there's something about Gentaro that makes life better. He's an adventure, thrilling and gorgeous and smart and sharp-tongued and the best damn cat dad Dice has ever seen... And he's hot as hell.
Dice's chest rises and falls rapidly, and his heart pounds in his ears. Gentaro is all over him, and he doesn't want it any other way. He tips his head to let Gentaro work, breathless.]
I love you. I may be fuckin' stupid about everything else, but I did one thing right.