[It hurts. He thought, so very naively, that somehow everything was figured out and great and fine the moment they said they loved each other. He thought simply, with no reservations. But all this is in the past! So why is he hurt?
No, he knows why. It's because he wasn't enough back then. No matter what he said or how many times he said it, Gentaro was--is--his own man, making his own decisions and living with them, too. As much as it hurts Dice, who's just an idiot in love for the first time, who doesn't even have a concept of this lasting or ending, it must eat away at Gentaro just as much. Maybe more. Dice knows that. He wants more than anything to reassure Gentaro. How?
The kiss settles him down somewhat, his lips working back against Gentaro's more gently, like rocks that dot a fast running stream. There's pressure in his chest and a lump in his throat, but he manages to speak when Gentaro does.]
That's all that matters. Whatever you did before... if you wanna tell me, that's fine, but you don't have to. You still picked me. And as long as you keep me around, I'll love you hard enough that you won't ever have to question it again.
[His real feelings. The past is done. He'll sock that shitty dick guy if he has to to shut him up, but Dice is secure. He knows Gentaro meant it when he said he only wanted him. They're something, even if they came from nothing. Dice holds on to the meaning this has given him maybe a little too tightly. And maybe he's idolizing Gentaro because of his skills and not acknowledging often enough that the man is human. It's clear now. Again. They had an idyllic couple of weeks, but this is reality. They're both flawed. And that's okay.]
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No, he knows why. It's because he wasn't enough back then. No matter what he said or how many times he said it, Gentaro was--is--his own man, making his own decisions and living with them, too. As much as it hurts Dice, who's just an idiot in love for the first time, who doesn't even have a concept of this lasting or ending, it must eat away at Gentaro just as much. Maybe more. Dice knows that. He wants more than anything to reassure Gentaro. How?
The kiss settles him down somewhat, his lips working back against Gentaro's more gently, like rocks that dot a fast running stream. There's pressure in his chest and a lump in his throat, but he manages to speak when Gentaro does.]
That's all that matters. Whatever you did before... if you wanna tell me, that's fine, but you don't have to. You still picked me. And as long as you keep me around, I'll love you hard enough that you won't ever have to question it again.
[His real feelings. The past is done. He'll sock that shitty dick guy if he has to to shut him up, but Dice is secure. He knows Gentaro meant it when he said he only wanted him. They're something, even if they came from nothing. Dice holds on to the meaning this has given him maybe a little too tightly. And maybe he's idolizing Gentaro because of his skills and not acknowledging often enough that the man is human. It's clear now. Again. They had an idyllic couple of weeks, but this is reality. They're both flawed. And that's okay.]